january, 27th

It was an alright day, and somehow I didn't realized what was about to happen that night. I was so anxious and I think that made me blind, made me think in false pretences, and I thought it was just another day.
I had friends waiting for me in a bar, and I can't avoid thinking why I didn't meet with them instead of going there. Would it be different? Or would I just delaying something obvious?
As soon as we got in the bus, a torrencial rain started to fall during all the way. We were wet when we arrived, and I remember buying a white shirt and something to eat.

I stood there, so perplexed, I didn't want to leave. Just when it finished, I knew something happened, and I was so afraid cause I knew what happened. In that moment I knew things will no longer be the same. As I left the room, waiting for my sister to comeback from bathroom, I felt like I was about to faint, the weight on my back were too heavy to bear. In that moment I wished I've never existed. All I could think was crashing my head into something and making it stop. I wanted that to end, I still want, but I can't make it go away.

I cannot think anymore. When I think the devil comes to me, and I'm afraid it will finish me.